How to Help an Addict Without Enabling

Enabling occurs when the friends and family of a substance user support the addiction through their thoughts or behaviors. People who enable act as a cushion for addicts, preventing them from facing the consequences of their substance abuse. When family members enable their loved one’s addiction, they lose respect for themselves, and the substance user loses respect for them. Ignoring the problem or engaging in enabling behaviors makes us lose self-respect because we know we’re not doing the right thing. Enabling not only creates a permissive attitude toward drug use, but also gives the addict no desire to seek treatment. Enabled addicts lose faith in themselves and do not respect loved ones who make it easier for them to continue using drugs.

Signs of Enabling Behaviors from Family

Loved ones may enable the addict because they feel responsible for causing the substance use disorder. They often blame themselves for the addiction and try to make up for it by sacrificing time, money and energy. Family members make these sacrifices to reduce their loved one’s pain and suffering, but they often don’t realize they’re engaging in enabling behaviors that are barriers to recovery. Enabling behaviors come in many forms. By recognizing and ceasing these unhealthy behaviors, families can focus on getting their loved one proper treatment.

Enabling Patterns in a School Setting

Schools and colleges have strict drug and alcohol policies. However, even faculty members can enable substance use among students. Faculty members may think that they are helping students by turning a blind eye on substance use, but they are only making the situation worse. Once teachers and peers learn to recognize and cease their enabling behaviors, they can encourage the substance user to seek appropriate treatment.

Addiction is a disease that affects not only substance abusers, but also their families. A dysfunctional family dynamic may contribute to a codependence between the addict and family members. Enabling a loved one with addiction allows the substance use disorder to flourish. People surrounding the addict need to set proper boundaries to make sure that the disease does not engulf them as well. Patricia Postanowicz, a faculty member and addiction expert at Northcentral University’s School of Marriage and Family Sciences, understands the difficulties families face when living with someone suffering from a substance use disorder. On the university’s blog, she explains that the experience can be stressful and even traumatic for family members. Postanowicz says family members living with an addict are at risk for substance abuse because they may abuse drugs to cope with feelings of stress, anxiety and depression.

Recognizing Codependency

Codependency is a compulsive and self-destructive behavior that compromises a person’s ability to have a healthy relationship. The behavior often encourages one-sided and obsessive relationships. Individuals acquire codependent behaviors by observing and taking after other relatives exhibiting similar behaviors. Codependency often occurs in dysfunctional families where one or more members suffer from underlying issues such as substance use disorders, abuse or mental illnesses. In dysfunctional families, people experience negative feelings that other family members dismiss, such as fear, anger, pain and shame. Codependent people may forgo their needs to cater to a family member suffering from a substance use disorder. These unhealthy practices compromise the codependent person’s health, welfare and safety. Dysfunctional families are in denial of their problem, which leads them to suppress their feelings. Instead of fixing their problems, they become void of emotions. They develop negative coping tools that encourage the avoidance of their feelings. Codependents with low self-esteem have self-acceptance issues; hence, they look to others to make themselves feel better. Some of them use drugs and alcohol to mitigate their feelings, which may lead to a substance use disorder. To identify codependency, look for the following behavioral patterns:

Codependent Patterns

While codependents typically have good intentions and want to help their loved one recover from substance abuse, they tend to let the caretaking take over their emotions. Instead of using the appropriate techniques to help, they make excuses for their loved one’s negative behaviors. When caretakers engage in enabling behaviors, it often pushes addicts to continue their substance use and develop a dependence on these behaviors.

Concerned family members can help a substance user by ceasing harmful behaviors. By identifying and changing their enabling behaviors, families can give their loved one a chance to recover from addiction. In addition, there are several steps families can take to improve an addict’s likelihood of attaining sobriety.

Attend Meetings

Support groups such as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can provide the family with a platform to share their concerns. Through listening to other people’s experiences, the substance user’s family can learn to distance their emotions from the disease. Regularly attending these meetings will help the family cope with their situation and encourage them to seek the appropriate treatment for their loved one.

Set Boundaries

Addiction causes a ripple effect on the family and close friends of a substance user. Family members should set clear boundaries with the addict to minimize stress and prevent drug-seeking behaviors.

Stop Making Excuses

Making excuses for an addict encourages them to indulge in substance abuse. Some ways family members can make excuses for an addict include providing false reasons for missed work or events, financing their addiction and allowing the addiction to dictate the family’s plans. Even if it is difficult to say no to a loved one, remaining firm and refusing to enable their disease will help them recover faster.

Participate in Family Therapy

Even if only one person is using substances, addiction affects the whole family. The family may change its dynamic in a way that protects the addiction. Family therapy can be a great resource to address underlying issues. It can help addicts cope with their feelings stemming from addiction and teach them how to separate themselves from the disease.

Fully Commit to Treatment

Recovery is a lifelong commitment for addicts and their families. If family members are not careful, they may trigger a relapse in the person in recovery. Families need to commit to attending therapy sessions with their loved one, where they will learn new and healthy ways to communicate and interact.

Medical Disclaimer: DrugRehab.com aims to improve the quality of life for people struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder with fact-based content about the nature of behavioral health conditions, treatment options and their related outcomes. We publish material that is researched, cited, edited and reviewed by licensed medical professionals. The information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should not be used in place of the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider.